Vitamin C is Good for me.

Today I was eating lunch at home; alone, without my phone, without my laptop, and without music. It sounds absurd I have to clarify, but I am the first to admit I feel guilty if I am not active...in whatever. if I am not reading, talking, writing, going, doing, doing doing. so I was eating an orange and I thought to myself "How do I feel about this orange?" I want to do that more, because this question offered a lot of room for small celebrations. My answers were along the lines of, "It's absolutely delicious, and it is messy. It is bright in color, and it smells nice. It is good for me." and I could not help but continue to think about things that are good for me.

I write this in the sheer fact that I am so, SO easily prone to ALWAYS indulge and impulsively pick things that are not good for me. Yea, I am talking about sin, but I am also talking about just dumb desires or ideas of what I want and when I want it and how to get it. But how good does it feel when we pick things that are natural and innately good for us?

I wish I had discipline, and I think it is appropriate to explore in this season of Lent what it means to pick things that are good for us, even when we don't necessarily think they are a big deal, like eating an orange, and especially when we do not want to choose those things.

I certainly do not think that choosing good things means we should wallow in the ways we choose bad. Because in that case, I'd be screwed. Do you REALIZE how excited I am for 7:45 so I can go get cake batter froyo with a mountain of rainbow sprinkles, reeses chunks, and cookie dough pieces? And in a way, I think it is good for me...in the way that I get to have great conversation over it and the way I am passionate about something so dumb as to a dessert.

Also, you seriously-could-not pay me enough to stop watching Khloe & Lamar. And I'll admit, I don't know how I could even try to make a case and say that is good for me. So, yes, I choose bad things. I think that is why good things feel so powerful to me.

So what is good for you? What ignites a passion or gets your mind wandering in a peaceful manner? What brings you to the core of who the Father has created you to be? Most of the time, I choose things that are good for me in long-term ways....such as a major I am passionate for, school opportunities, and so forth. But I am more talking about what is good for you today? Remember, the present is a present. It's a gift...Where are your gifts today?

My gift was in my sweet, delicious orange. Also, in the book I am currently reading: Reaching Out by Henri Nouwen. Out of reading this book comes learning about prayer, which is good for me. Another gift is the Penguin Cafe Orchestra station I am listening to on Pandora, because it is instrumental, calming, and creates room for me to insert my own lyrics.

These are three silly things that are good for me. Which only consisted of about an hour of my day, total. Could you imagine how incredibly full my life would be if things that are good for me took up most of my day? It is not that the rest of my day was in vain; it consisted of ministry, school, cleaning, singing, a little dancing, walking. but things that are good for me on a very small scale...a VERY small scale...make me feel less cluttered and more aware of the nourishment I need everyday that pertain to me, Rebecca.

O how all good things come from You. Will you reveal to me what is good for me and give me the strength to choose so?

my O's be burstin

yesterday was a strange day...i get sick often so when i woke up with a small fever i didn't think anything about it, except i called out of work. around 12:30 i collapsed in my hallway, gripping my abdomen, telling colleen i'm in excruciating pain. she says "i have to go" and leaves. (kidding coll, you're way more sensey than that). but then i call my mom and she thinks it's appendicitis, so she goes "get to the ER, now."

y'all, i've never been to the ER. but i knew i wanted this pain to go away. i'm hunched over in a torrential downpour walking to my friend's house so i can take his car. long story short, i end up at the ER, get blood/urine taken, and proceed to wait for 4.5 hours. i get a ct scan, an IV hooked up to me (umm, OUCH when they can't find your vein & are diggin' around for a good amount of time in your hand).

i watch a walk to remember in the hospital, get warm blankets put ontop of me, and cry a little. doc comes in with no appendicitis! but ovarian cyst ruptured. uh? skuzz me?

even though it was a lonely and at times painfully boring day, i really did feel at peace the whole time. i mean, yeah i did cry a lil hysterically when my phone died, could not update my momma, and malicious needles were running around underneath my skin. or when mr. nurse was putting iodine into my bloodflow and the ct scan room was intimidating.

but i will choose to describe the encouraging and engaging parts of my field trip to rockingham memorial hospital. like when i was shivering, watching a walk to remember, and mr. nurse lays a warm blanket that is radiating heat over my body and i verbally & literally say out loud "jesus, that is a really nice man." or how about the angelic paramedic who had an aura of gentleness, peace, and servanthood. i ask her if she is a nurse and we get talking. she tells me how she is a volunteer paramedic and a paid one in staunton. she continues & tells me how she has sent three people this week to be airlifted because of traumatic accidents. wow she is really brave.

one of me & jesus's "things," kind of like inside jokes but more just inside "things." well one is when i go, if jesus had a profession/job, what would it be? i like to encourage and motivate my mom by letting her know that jesus would be a social worker at the department of public welfare (because i do believe that) and yesterday was a day of, "ohhh, yup. also a paramedic."

mr. nurse and angelic paramedic were truly delightful and made my lonely visit really nice. another blessing was the song that came on the disney channel: "man or muppet" i found it hilarious and appreciated it.

so all in all, ER life is difficult, depressing, and dreary. but it is also life giving, in the most literal sense, and also in the spiritual. of course i wanted my mom right beside me, babying me, and tenderly helping me because i so desired that. but i am trying with every ounce in me to see the shittiest of situations in the prettiest of ways. i always want to know that a muppet commercial can cheer me up, a blanket can shower me with warmth, and a radiant young woman's soft conversation can give me just the right amount of courage to keep going. i am courageous, not because of circumstance, but because of companionship with yahweh. i will swim lengths and dive deep to find bravery to face today, tomorrow, and especially my past. i have a lot of anxiety, pain, and fear but like i said before, i will stomp on satan's schemes to not give him that satisfaction.