right now i'm listening to lady antebellum. and you know what? i love it. i can't help it. i even took a picture of my cowboy boot when i was messing with my camera.

so what i know like 4 country songs. i'm working on it.

but really...i love country

but really...today was a good day. not perfect. weird actually. (the morning). but in the afternoon kate took me and allie to lunch...allie and i? and it was the most spectacular restaurant ever. it was so close to our service site and i would have never known it was there... there were llamas, talking parrots, rabbits...very random animals...well anyways we just talked about life and spent about two and a half hours there...and wow, kate is such a beautiful woman. the best way i can describe her. i just feel safe with her, and that is by far probably one of the best feelings. she spoke a lot of honesty, some hard to hear, most of it hard to hear, but so needed. i think allie and i both really appreciated our time with kate.

oh and also...i heard some people talk today just about how they doubt that God exists. it was so refreshing to hear that someone cares enough to ask the questions "does god exist? why do i feel abandoned by him? where is the proof?" i loved every second of it and i saw so much christ in her it was ridiculous. i could care less (lies) if you actually believe in god or not, lets just TALK about it. i want to talk talk talk talk about it.

we played with the children today and it was my first (and last) time with the kids. tomorrow is our last day at Walk in the Light. i'll process that later. but being with the kids was awesome and sooo enjoyed it. i'm wrestling with a ton of questions though. for example: does it do more harm or good that we get to be with kids one day a week for four weeks and then they never see us again? why do we feel the need to impact their lives when we aren't willing to live life alongside them? and more.

and lastly just for tonight. i talked with my friend matt for a long time tonight and boy oh boy do i appreciate him also. i can't name a better listener. speaks truth. it is by far such a helping hand in this extremely painful season of life. i could go on for days but if you have the opportunity, get to know him!!!! except i will not post his last name for you stalkers.
"christianity is shallow enough for children to wade in but deep enough for scholars to drown in"


so this is my first blog on blogspot. decided i didn't really like tumblr. or maybe it was just too hard to blog!

i do not have much to say....hm... how to walk this weary land is from a jj heller song called your hands. it depicts what i am experiencing in this season of my life. confusion, hurt, yet hope in the lord that he will be bigger than my human attempts to have my heart aligned to His.

i just bought Tim Keller's generous justice. i've heard about it and it so
happens i am passionate about justice. and that the book was half off.:) it is pretty good so far!

i am at the moment eating nik naks. they are equivalent to cheetos. but
african version. mmmm.

last night i went to NCF church. they had an event called "feel the beat" and it was possibly one of the most fascinating events i've ever attended. it was a christian rave/dance/celebration of Jesus' power and love. people were dancing and parents were throwing their kids into the air (it was hilarious to watch actually). i cannot wait to do that with my kids someday. just dance and worship with them. i felt so free to just worship and express my love for Christ without being judged. this church is just incredible. i never have felt judged there, and the people are beyond welcoming and loving. they are so on fire for the lord and really understand how crucial the gospel is and how transforming it is. being there really does remind me that our God is a living God and he is so worthy to be praised. last night i kept thinking, "i really hope heaven is like this." and god kept telling, it is going to be so much more. and that was maybe the first time i was truly and genuinely happy here in africa. i duno. i guess i fell a little more in love with jesus.
however, i have to say, i'm not sure if this event would pass in the states...this was a "wow. i really am in africa" moment. i think south africans are just so brave in their worship. even at walk in the light, the Zulu women and the South African christians i've met are so freeing and excited to celebrate such a passionate and real love.