beauty and wonder

today is lovely. sitting in my college bedroom in an older, virginia style home. being a housemate of 9 young women. the sun and temperature--really nice. so nice that my broken, oversized windows are open as an invitation for stink bugs, sunlight, and a gentle breeze. i even debated not playing music so i could hear the construction worker poking at the pavement, cars driving by, and birds conversing. not that those are exceptional noises (and i don't even understand bird, so it's not like i have a clue what they are saying), but i'm feeling so grateful and tranquil.

sure, i have a paper to write and my room is a mess, but i can't help but pause and appreciate NOW. living in the present for me...HA, talk about challenging. 60% of the time I'm dreaming big dreams for the future, 20% I'm looking up internships, jobs, universities, 10% I'm in the middle of an application for the next season, and 20% i'm going through old facebook photos from previous experiences and memories.
that's 110%. whatever.

but really, almost ALL of my mind is in the future. the future excites me. it's not long enough, wide enough, deep enough for me to explore and engage with. i want to participate in beauty and wonder. wonder is probably my favorite word. wondering is so majestic, mysterious, freeing. have you ever participated in the beauty and wonder of this world and regretted it? and most of the time i attribute w
onder to the future.

but i want to participate with beauty and wonder of this world right now. what are you doing to participate with creation, humanity, and spirituality? i admit, it is so much easier for me to feel present when the weather is filled with sunshine, clarity, and refreshing air. ugh, i know what you're thinking. you're THAT person who cries for no reason when there are rain clouds hovering. why, yes, yes i am.

but on days like today, and yesterday, and tomorrow, i will use every ounce of energy to stomp on satan's schemes and repeat to myself that the present is what matters. the present is a present. i live a beautiful life because i am being showered with gift after gift after gift. my god has given me a wondrous, magnificent, peculiar mind. i am going to use it. i am going to use my mind and heart. i will cry when i want to cry. i will rejoice, even on shitty days. in shitty circumstances. i will remember just being in your presence is magnificent.

PS- i'm probably back to blogging because i'm giving up twitter for lent. and i am so obnoxiously prideful i suspect everyone still wants to know my thoughts.
PPS- i'm also giving up sweets/treats. I sound like I am an 85 year old woman with diabetes. lord help me.

did you know PS stands for post script? at least that's what Yahoo! Answers tells me.

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