Solitude, I need you

It's funny that when things get harder I have less to say. It is not that I have less to say, it is that I do not feel as brave and want to hide my ish. But I really want to throw it all out there because it is what I am experiencing and I want this blog to document my life.

The last couple of weeks have been filled with younglife, school, work. some of the time it's incredible, other times I am so sick of it, and some is out of obedience. I get irritated with my teammates and I grow impatient. I get tired and confused and feelings of defeat. I don't want to think about camp and want to run away from responsibility. And really, there is no excuse for it. I have fallen short in some areas. I even hesitate to write, "but it's okay." because it is not. if i am truly experiencing the Love I desperately proclaim, the Peace would go beyond my impatience. Solitude, I need you.

How crazy I was letting other things get my attention because I was CONVINCED they were more exciting. What could be more exciting than you, jesus?

You're a gift. A gift and a present. a special assortment of sweets because i'm obsessed over sweets and eat about 5 a day. the smell of various flowers and especially the look of sunflowers. you are creativity. you are a king and that means you are MAJESTIC. you are a box of crayons that speaks each color into life. you're painting this world. from death to life you paint a beautiful, detailed, redeeming picture. you are academics, intellect, papers. you are intelligence.
but most of all you are what i always need, a lover. you know how and when to hug and kiss me. you not only understand a human but were a human. you not only can predict my next move but you predestined it. you not only guide me but you grab me, throw me over your shoulder, and push me through temptation, heartache, and loneliness.
you not only refute my illusions but you are the cold water on my face to wake me up. you not only turn on the light but you created and installed the light.
you are not only the answer but also the question.

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