heaping mount of choco

This past weekend I reconnected with a great friend of mine. Clingy, inseparable, what ever word you would like to choose to describe our annoyingly obsessive, playful, and loving friendship that started ten years ago. It has not always been smooth sailing. We have walked through valleys with each other and cried our eyes out over difficult life situations.

In college, she has pushed through excuses, distractions, and circumstances. She’s called. Called. Called. Texted me. Messaged me. Left voicemails. She does not give up on our friendship.

Saturday night we sat in a local Applebee’s, discussing life over warm doughy cookie, teeth chilling ice cream, and a heaping mount of chocolate cake. We poured our hearts, confessed deep secrets, and laughed about life’s absurdity. We wrestled as we tried to give each other advice, to which we only blankly stared at each other and said, “I am here for you. You are not alone. I understand.” Nothing too substantial or ground breaking, but powerful and needed, noneoftheless.

It didn’t matter what we believed. It did not matter if we agreed on most things. But it did matter that she made me feel on top of the world. In those short couple of hours, I was freed from judgment and divine expectations. I was enough for her because I am Rebecca, a young woman filled with doubts, fears, and uncertainties. But she wanted my honesty and I wanted hers. She wanted to know how I felt, how I get by in life, and if I felt loved. If I wasn’t staring in the face of Jesus, then I am not sure who I was looking at.

That night, the spirit picked me up…he carried me far out of and into my feelings, because he let me feel a lot of goodness and hardship. But he showed me that a life with him is not always extravagant, majestically divine, and filled with epiphanies. Of course, that is a part of it. But as I stared into my friend’s face, I knew he was letting me know it is okay to relax. Let go of some things. Rip a part the image I try to create. Let go of what I want to be and just be, me. Yes, me, included with my doubts, shortcomings, and fears. To throw away the idea that I am clean, have it all together, and know what I am talking about. She showed me to let go and reveal who I really am.

I am grateful he chose my beautifully brave friend to tell me this.